Online dating has become really popular, going from being a bit of a weird thing to being totally normal. We scroll, swipe and like in the hope of finding our soulmate. But behind the glamour of interfaces and perfect algorithms, there’s a worrying trend that platforms are just starting to notice: a lack of communication, or more simply, a ‘deficit of questions’. People have forgotten how to start a conversation, and the dating scene as it is now makes things even worse by creating loads of ‘silent matches’ that are doomed to fail.
Diagnosis: Silent swipes and emptiness after ‘Match!’
Picture this: you’ve scrolled endlessly, and finally, that elusive ‘It’s a match!’ notification appears. The feeling of excitement lasts for a few seconds, and then you freeze. What should I write? Saying the usual ‘Hi’ just feels a bit bland, and it’s hard to get inspired. You’re just waiting for the other side to make a move, but in the end, the conversation never starts.
This is what we call the ‘question deficit’. Apps like Tinder and Bumble are all about the “evaluation” stage, where you’re judging people based on their photos. But they don’t really help you with the super important part of actually getting the conversation going. Bumble, by putting all the responsibility on women, just covers up the problem instead of solving it. Hinge positioned itself as ‘anti-Tinder’ and tried to build prompts into the profile by asking questions. But even this is often not enough. When you’ve got loads of matches under your belt, even creative answers start to seem like templates.
Why does this happen?
It’s all too much choice. The paradox of abundance: when there are too many options, you can’t really see what’s going on with any of them. With Tinder, you only need to swipe once to find a new match, so why invest in one conversation when you can swipe right to find another?
Fear of rejection and failure. It might seem like a simple question, but it’s not something that’ll make you stand out. It’s risky to ask a creative question because you might not get a response and feel like you’ve messed up.
There’s nothing to bring people together socially. In real life, we strike up conversations based on context: the atmosphere in a bar, an event, a mutual acquaintance. In the app, the context is reduced to a few photos and three lines of text.
A chance for the industry to get ahead
Not having any questions isn’t a dead end, it’s a big opportunity for those who are ready to rethink the dating model itself. The future is all about platforms that not only bring people together, but also make it super easy and meaningful for us to chat.
This means a shift from the ‘profile gallery’ model to the ‘communicative environment’ model. The ones that will come out on top are the ones that make it easy for customers to get in touch.
InstaCams video chat is the perfect way to beat ‘swipe fatigue’
While classic apps are struggling with the crisis of text communication, spontaneous video chat services are quickly becoming more popular. InstaCams is a great example of this. It’s a whole new ball game compared to regular dating.
What’s the benefit of this in the ‘question deficit’ context?
- Instant communication. You don’t have to come up with a brilliant first message. You get to have a live conversation where you’re communicating based on intonation, emotions, facial expressions and laughter. It’s a lot more natural and informative than swapping texts.
- The context is the conversation itself. The issue of the ‘social hook’ sort of solves itself. You’re already chatting away, and you just happen to mention something that’s on your mind: “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “How did you find this service?” There’s no need to make a big deal out of starting a conversation.
- Getting rid of obstacles. Video chatting with a stranger can be tricky, but it’s also a great way to overcome uncertainty. You immediately see the person ‘in action’ and get a feel for whether there’s any chemistry, so you don’t waste days on pointless text messages.
A similar successful service is https://coomeet.com/instacams, which also uses the cam-2-cam chat model, but often with an emphasis on meeting the opposite sex. The fact that CooMeet and InstaCams are so popular shows that users are sick of ‘silent’ galleries and want live interaction, even if it’s more chaotic.
But there are some downsides to this model too. For example, there’s no pre-selection (like with swiping) and it can be a bit stressful for introverts.
This is how hybrid dating is set to pan out in the future
It’s obvious that there’s no such thing as a perfect model. The way forward for the dating industry is all about hybrid solutions that bring together the best of both worlds.
So, what might a winning platform look like?
- Phase 1: There’s a limited but meaningful selection. It’s like Hinge, but with more advanced and personalised ‘prompts’ for dialogue, possibly based on AI compatibility analysis.
- Phase 2: ‘Icebreaker session’. After a match, the system doesn’t just open a chat, but suggests moving on to a short (2-3 minute) asynchronous video or voice message, or even scheduling a 5-minute video call directly in the app. This gets rid of the stress of ‘what to write’ and provides much more information.
- Phase 3: Smart real-time prompts. A built-in AI assistant could look at both users’ profiles and suggest unique, personalised questions to get the conversation going, like: “I see you both like Game of Thrones. Ask her whose side she was on in the Battle of the Bastards.
And finally, here’s the conclusion
The ‘question deficit’ is a sign of a bigger problem in the dating industry: the focus on quantity over quality of interaction. Users aren’t lazy or uninterested, they’re just disoriented in an environment that encourages superficiality.
In the new era, success will be about more than just how many matches a user gets. It’ll be about how many meaningful conversations they have. If platforms can rebuild their logic and focus more on ‘start communicating’ instead of ‘find’, they’ll be able to close the existing gap and set new standards for the whole industry. And services like InstaCams and CooMeet are already showing the way forward — towards live, instant and human communication.
